sonny boy

no. 37 Sonny

I remember watching this right after I had moved from NOLA, maybe hoping that...you know what's it's like to miss New Orleans...

The tale, in and of itself, is sad, twisted, cyclical. The story of a boy, a man, no a boy...it's about someone who thinks he sees a way out of the life he was brought up in. The only way to really describe it, is just to tell it, walk through the film to find my footing. For the most part, is a back story that you read into. A boy is brought up in the seedy underworld of small time prostitution. You're lead to believe his mother sold him off to the uptown blue bloods before he had become a man. He goes into the Army, hoping to find a change in himself, that he is better than what he has seen in his life. We meet him after he's discharged, with a dream of a normal life, a regular life living in a little Texas town working at a book store. First off, kid learns that normal is a setting on a dryer. There is no job, his buddy can't help, but can hook him up on a double date for the evening as a consultation prize, however, his buddy isn't sure Sonny is straight. We ascertain that Sonny, in a way to work his way out of the "relationships" he had with women, never was seen with a girl while in the Army. He tells his friend that he wouldn't know how to act on a date - and it is sad to see. He tries to be normal, but even shies away at putting his arm around a girl. She nails it by saying he's got this smooth thing to him, but very awkward. The boys been to the big show and back, he's a fucking pro, literally, but he has no clue how to be normal, how to act in an organic situation where two people are naturally attracted to one another, not thrown together in a cage for breeding purposes.

It's not that he doesn't get the human condition, he understands how people feel, he just doesn't know how to do it himself. That's really the central theme, he doesn't understand the basic human connection when it comes to attraction. He's played the part, the role, a different role, being whatever a woman wanted him to be. It was an act, he's never been allowed to have this natural and "normal" feeling. When he thinks that he does, he finds out the girl hits the Robo a bit and freaks. In a world of people living in vice, he actually thinks the real work is kittens and roses. When he actually sees there is no normal, he loses all base of reality and goes back to what he knows. It's this Oedpial cycle from hell, pleasing women to please his mother.

Although this is generally poorly acted, the script was for shit, direction, well, Nic Cage should never be around a camera, period. The idea was there, it just wasn't presented properly. I could feel Sonny's pain, his desire for having something real, something normal, anything but what he's had. The desire to feel as if he's not different, that he blends in. I get it, his isolation. He's been through the motions without motive, without any feeling of his own. I know what that feels like, to just never feel as if you can connect, that the harder you try, the further away you become.

The scene where he plays cop was really disturbing for me. Not that it was kinky or demented, that didn't phase me; people like what people like. What disturbed me was that Sonny's feeling was accurately portrayed by James Franco, he put himself there, that bit of being out of touch, removing himself from the situation. He wanted so much to connect, and had to withdrawal so severely in order to function in that moment. I keep talking about that "organic" nature, it's something I'm afraid I'll never find again. I don't know how to date, I never really allowed myself to connect in normal ways. My relationships were always so complicated, with rules that even I couldn't keep straight. Much like Sonny, I'm afraid that I'll never be able to connect in a normal way, that even though I might feel like I should run as far away from that yellow door in the direction of giving it a real go, I'm still standing in front of that yellow door because it's familiar. Round peg, round hole.